Smell of work
on the edge of the door. Sun settles into dusk. Friday night. A quiet descends
on the house. The boys have gathered, gleaming from the scrub. Joe takes up his
fiddle like a staff on his knee. ‘So now, what do you say tonight, Lyall’?
His second Friday night with the men
in the back parlour; women and girls gathered in the front after flirting on
the silage all day, remembering his silence the week before. Knowing he would
have to stand up a little.
‘Well,’ what to say, ‘well it’s not
easy for me to say anything actually. Anything of interest to you. I haven’t
really lived that interesting a life, and you Joe, from what I heard last week,
have lived a lot.’ The men stirred. ‘Not too much, not too much. But maybe a
jot more than yourself.’ Joe with a beard down to his belt, a life-time cop in
New York City until ten years ago, ‘but lack of experience is no excuse for
silence and a still tongue, is it Lyall? You must have something to say.’ John
pushes, ‘So what do you say Lyall? What’s you’re topic?’ ‘Well, I could say a
little, something, anything really.’ ‘About what?’ Christie who makes raffia
chairs and rides a donkey. ‘What could you say Lyall?’
Without thinking he says, ‘What if
what you say is sad?’ ‘Sure, everything’s sad some days Lyall,’ Jack Sullivan,
with the two fields below, tended as if they were lovers, ‘I wouldn’t see that
as an impediment would you Joe?’ Joe
runs his thumb along the strings. ‘Sure we won’t know until he speaks.’ Eila at
the open the door, leaning on the jam, ‘Will you say to us why you paid £1,400
for your place above. That’s sad. He could do that, couldn’t he John?’ John,
who’d asked the same question in mild anger pitching silage this afternoon, now
mellowed said, ‘He could if he wanted’. Lyall looked over at Eila, ‘Well I
loved the look of it’. ‘And where did you first see it that you loved the look
on it?’ He wanted to say I told you this already but to do so would compromise
their conversation this afternoon where she’d explicitly said, ‘This is private
Lyall, just between us’, and he’d felt the hook lodge and pull him toward her
and he’d replied, ‘Naturally’. And now, ‘I saw a photograph of it on the
mountain’. ‘And what kind of photograph would that be?’. ‘A Polaroid.’ All eyes
on him. Christie is first. ‘A what? Is
that a big photograph or what Lyall.’ He knows what a Polaroid is. ‘No, a very
small one’.
Joe stroked his fiddle strings, ‘Then,
is it this that’s sad Lyall? Buying a dot on a Polaroid mountain?’ Eila, now
part of the pack. ‘How is it that an Englishman can come over here and pay
£1,400 for a ruin on our own Irish soil sold through a Polaroid photograph? I’d
say that’s a bit sad Joe, wouldn’t you?’ Mrs O’Shea came in from the front,
checks the stew on the range, ‘Sad or not he did it and put as much of his back
into our work today as any.’ She cut more apple pie for him and puts it on his
plate, smiles and returns to the front room, to the ladies. He looked around
the parlour. ‘Well, what you don’t know is that £1,400 is nothing for that
place. If it was in England, it’d be worth £14,000. And anyway, I didn’t buy it
for its monetary value and it’s not a sad thing to have done. Sadness comes
from a broken heart. Or the loss of someone you love, not money.’
‘Ah well now Lyall,’ Joe ran the
strings with his frayed bow, ‘which is it that you mean to speak of tonight, if
not money? A broken heart or the loss of a loved one?’ Neither. He didn’t mean
to speak of either tonight. ‘Which would ye say Christie, is the more sad, a
broken heart or the loss of a loved one?’ Christie thought hard, pulling at his
lip, ‘Well now, you would have to say that these two are very close, heart
break and loss. Both make a sadness for which there are varying degrees. You could well say that sadness comes of a
heart broken by any manner of loss, but the question is how many times can a
heart be broken, Joe?’
‘Sure, that’s the distinction that
should be made in this question,’ Joe lay down his fiddle, looking over at Lyall
with a smile, then, ‘what losses would break the heart over and over again Lyall?’
This wasn’t what he’d imagined tonight to be. ‘Well, this would be different
for each person I think’. Joe again, ‘Well of course now that goes without
saying, but to take your topic forward we need to know what kind of losses would
break the heart and ignite the sadness occurring.’ Eila looks over, ‘If loss of
something breaks the heart, then sadness pours through the crack and takes over.
Could you see it that way?’ Christie coughed into his handkerchief. ‘You could,
you could indeed girl, isn’t that the case Joe?’ ‘You could. Loss is the common denominator
here, and no doubt, its loss that that breaks the heart.’
Joe began, eyes half closed,
contemplating loss, ‘Now Lyall, your subject is a matter of some complexity and
feeling if we look at it deeply. So, to proceed, there are stages to this Lyall.
Let us break the topic down. Look into loss and see the way it moves through the
heart to sadness. We could start with a common loss that might cause a heart to
ache, not break’. John sat forward nodding. Mumbled half agreement from
Christie and Jack, each have stories of common loss. ‘And then you might have
an uncommon loss that cracks the heart open to a sadness but recuperates over
time.’ Christie folded his arms, ‘You could.’ ‘And then you could have a
catastrophic loss that would obliterate the heart into a smithereen of sadness,
as you would imagine occurred in Mary as she gazed on her son at the end
thinking him dead.’ Lyall fell in with, ‘Death and loss would be catastrophic
for anyone, Joe.’ Eila looked at him hard, ‘Not if there’s grace and redemption
in the suffering of it.’ ‘Are you sure there is such a thing?’ He mumbles half
to himself.
John picked up the poker, ‘I think I
have it Joe.’ ‘Go ahead now John.’ ‘You would measure sadness on a rod, as you
say Joe, at one end the common, at the other the catastrophic loss, each mark
on the rod showing the broken heart and its sadness’. Eila barged in, ‘A common
sadness might be livened by the loss of a trinket; an uncommon sadness could be
the ending and loss of a romance, an absolute end I mean; and the catastrophic sadness
would include a death and loss of love itself’.
Joe smiled, ‘We
are getting some order in this for you Lyall.’ Eila went to John, taking the
poker held flat between his hands. ‘So the common loss and heart ache is
nothing, it’s what a chicken feels when she lays an egg so we put that here’,
she licked her finger and cleared a mark on one end of the poker, 'the uncommon goes
in the middle here; and the catastrophic at the end here where the heart is
crushed to dust. And each mark would tell the story of a broken heart.’
All
contemplated the rod in a silence broken by Eila, ‘But isn’t there a different
kind of loss Joe? One that doesn’t break the heart, or cause it to ache with
sadness, but makes it sing?’ ‘Ah, the loss of constraint girl, the loss of the
constraint is to what you refer. This loss cuts you loose. But there’s a danger
to it.’ Christie sighed into a chord of his own, ‘There is too. A great danger.
In fact you could say this loss is the most dangerous and could lead to the
greatest sadness. Sure this is topic in itself.’ Joe considered, ‘Ay, the loss
of constraint, and one we’ll turn to another night.’
Jack puffed on his long pipe, ‘And
then you have the loss of an animal. A lamb for example, lost on the mountain,
or a chicken taken by the fox. Or a loss of a field to a bet. Or hay to a bad
rain. There’s money in such losses.’ Joe held up the bow, ‘These are material
losses you might say Jack, and sure, could result in a sadness or more, but
these don’t fit easily on our rod. It is the psychological view we are taking
not the material in this case, do you see?’ ‘I do Joe, I do, but remember now,
there is a way where the loss of the material can lead to the loss of the
psychological, and that is often the case, but I take your point. We are
considering the effect on the heart, not the pocket, isn’t that right.’ ‘You
have it boy, you do.’
Now Lyall spoke blind, playing along,
‘And there’s the loss of respect.’ Eila pounced, ‘You don’t lose respect Lyall,
you give it up.’ All nodded along. Again without thinking, ‘Okay, then there is
a loss of friendship, you can lose the friendship of someone.’ ‘That you can,’
Joe tightened his bow, ‘That you can Lyall, if someone turns against you and
breaks your heart, but this loss is also self-inflicted, for you always has the
friendship until you give it up.’
‘As we do,’
Christie soulful, ‘Now Lyall, how many broken friendships do you see in the
valley?’ Pause. ‘None. You don’t see any do you? Well we here now do see them.
There are people here who haven’t spoken or looked to each other for two
generations or more for the sake of a broken fence, let alone a broken heart.’
Joe shifted and waved his beard. ‘We might be well moving the goalposts here
Chris, we don’t want to confuse the poor fellow with the history of Garranes.’ Eila
bit again, ‘Sure he’s confused already enough as it is. He hasn’t really told
us what loss and sadness he’s talking about. And he hasn’t told us yet why he
bought up above except that its worth a £1,400 punt.’ Jack leant forward, eyes
bright, ‘Did you lose your dog Lyall? That’s a terrible sad loss, to lose a
dog.’
Mrs O’Shea brought turf in for the range,
door clanking open, sparks floating to soot. She smiled as she adjusted the
Tilley to give more light, urging defiance despite the pity in her eyes, then
returned to the ladies.
Eila is half looking at him, waiting.
‘You can lose your mind.’ He sagged biting his lip. Fuck. Eila can’t resist, ‘And did you find yours
yet up there on the mountain? Did you? Among the rush and the sheep?’ Christie,
eyes closed scratched his ear, ‘Well that’s not an easy thing to find is it
Joe? The mind?’ ‘Ah, the mind, an easy
thing to lose, not an easy thing to find.’ Christie opened his eyes, ‘And is it
not madness to lose a mind Joe?’ ‘It is known to be so, but Lyall hasn’t the
madness yet, so his mind is still with us for a while at least. But does loss
of mind fit our scheme here? Are we sure that a heart break connects to a loss
of the mind, Lyall?’ It’s a question he must answer, ‘Well, the two are
related. Mind and heart. Heart and mind’. John played with the poker as if
measuring up a child, ‘So, will we add this to the rod Joe?’ ‘No. You’d need a new rod for loss of the mind,’
Joe answered, ‘You could have degrees of a loss of mind but on a different
rod.’
Eila sensed the
vein she wanted from him, ‘And where would you say your lost mind would sit on
that rod Lyall? Would it be common or uncommon?’ He shifted, heaved, caught by
the question. He should have seen this coming. ‘Or catastrophic? Would you have
a catastrophic loss of the mind Joe? On the rod?’ ‘You would have to include
it, but the rod would have no use to the catastrophic. It would be over.’ Jack
stirred ‘That it would, and it’s been close through the years.’ The topic was
closing down.
John said something to Christie in
Irish and Eila laughed at the back of her hand. ‘He said did you have much of a
mind to lose in the first place.’ Lyall laughed, ‘That’s my problem, I don’t really
know about mind at all, John, what is it? Do you know? Does anybody here know?’
Joe cut in, ‘Steady Lyall, what we have here is the subject in hand. We now
know we have common and uncommon degrees of loss that may be felt in the
sadness of a broken heart. We have a measure of catastrophic loss and we have
included the mind as an adjunct to the play, which can itself be lost.’ He
grazed the room expectantly; all were with him.
‘So now, Lyall,
what do you say, where would your loss and sadness sit on the rod? How many
broken hearts do you have in your hand?’ Silence. ‘Well now, using our rod as
the measure, in which category should we put your loss? Would it be common or uncommon?’ He sat as a
bird waiting for shot, ‘Common’ he said, wondering if he should have told the
truth. Christie waved vaguely in the air, ‘Thanks god.’ ‘And would it be the common loss of love and
the heartbreak in that?’ ‘It would, and
I lose my mind a bit.’ Eila smiled to kill, ‘Sure isn’t that an English
indulgence Joe? Can we not put indulgence on the rod as well John? And bar
sweet romantics from the house?’ Joe began to play low and slow, fiddle waking
to its part as he sang in Irish:
I invoke
the land of Ireland
Much
coursed be the fertile sea,
Jula’s laughter
from the other room filtered in and Mrs O’Shea’s voice along with Eileen’s and
the girls orchestrated the mood of the Friday evening. Eila translates for Lyall,
an echo in tune with his mood.
Fertile be
the fruit-strewn mountain
Fruit-strewn
be the showery wood,
Showery be
the river of waterfalls,
Of
waterfalls be the lake of deep pools,
Joe spoke
softly, scraping slowly across the strings, ‘Well now Lyall, the mind is never
still; it is always running. So to lose it altogether could be a terrible
trouble’. Christie chuckled, ‘It might not be a bad thing, Joe, to stop it
running for a while. In fact it could be a pleasure.’ ‘And if it were such a
pleasure why isn’t everyone doing it?’
deep
pooled be the hill-top well,
a well of
tribes be the assembly,
and
assembly of kings be Tamair,
‘Sure that’s
a reasonable question Lyall, what do you say?’ Lyall looks up from the music as
Joe paused to tune strings, and gazes at Eila sat on the rug leant against
Joe’s chair, saying nothing. ‘So now, do we have it John?’ John mused the
poker, ‘Well now Joe I think that completes the form of the rod. And it is a comprehensive
tool of measurement of the topic.’ Joe looked over at Lyall, ‘So have you found
your place on the rod, Lyall?’ He looked back at Joe, ‘I have Joe, I think I
have.’ Joe continued to play and sing:
Tamair be
a hill of tribes,
The tribes
of the sons of Mil,
Of Mil of
the ships, the barks.
Let the
lofty bark be Ireland, lofty Ireland darkly sung
An
incantation of great cunning
Eila leant
across under the music and tapped him on his foot, ‘And is it your love Lyall,
that brings you here and makes you long to leave, both at the same time. Is it
now?’
The
great cunning of the wives of the Bres,
The
wives of Bres, of Buaigne;
The
great lady of Ireland
Eremoth
had conquered her,
Ir,
Eber have invoked for her.
I
invoke the land of Ireland.
Joe
ended with four Ailiu iath nErenn’s of the last line. Eila repeats them in
English for Lyall and asks, ‘And what do you invoke when your love sends you to
loss, Lyall’? He sat quiet and lost, settling in for a while, for the night.
Happy to hear his silence Eila looked him full on in the face, laughing, ‘Sure,
but you’re young still, and the common is a fine place to be as you start out.
And I’ll wonder about you, how you’ll do on the edge of catastrophe.’